What's in a Picture?

So I was sitting waiting for an appt I had, and I decided while I'm waiting I should clean out my purse. So I start gathering all the receipts, old papers, trash, etc out...I pull out some pics that I remember my mom telling me to take cause I had forgotten them. They were pictures of Jay when he was a baby.

Jay @ 3 months

As I was staring down at this picture in particular, my eyes started to well up with tears. It was as if I had received an aha moment, and epiphany, or as my mother called it...a revelation! I wasn't crying because I missed him as a baby, or I thought wow how the time has flown by...I felt SELFISH, SELF CENTERED, I felt GUILT, HUMILITY, and SADNESS. I felt that since after having Isabella, which was a really hard pregnancy...I felt like ok you know what Dianna, you are done with having kids, your body can't handle this anymore, you need to focus on them and watch them grow, and raise them now. So I had it all made up in my head, and at that moment I felt sad because I never discussed how Pulu felt about my decision, I didn't consider my son Jay of how he felt of not ever having a brother, I just felt so sad for them &guilty thinking about all these decisions I had made considering only myself. Then the humility came to me, I looked at the picture and felt as if my son (on the other side of the veil) whispered to me, "Mom I choose you, don't give up, I'm waiting to come to you." It was such an overwhelming feeling. I called my mom and told her what happened and she said it was a revelation. That was amazing to hear. I am so humbled at the way the Lord communicates to us (his children) thru something so simple as a picture. I am grateful and I can't wait to meet you my #5! I won't be trying to get pregnant right away, but I know when the time is right, and when we as a couple sit down and pray about this, and the timing...our son will come to this earth.