I am NEVER pleased, I am hard to please, and I expect sooo much, because I feel like I give my all soo much. So is it normal for me to feel the same way for my husband? I know men don't think the same way as women do...but really is it me? I was talking to one of Pulu's cousins and she was telling me about a book she had read about a feminist author who thought that we as a whole world have made men into who they think they are. Uncaring, not charming by nature, very laxed, etc etc etc...Do men really act the way they do because us as women and mothers have treated them a certain way, let them get away with certain things because we have that worldly thought of "ughh let boys be boys" kinda attitude? Hmmm I really wonder, and I kinda think it's totally true. I do see quite a difference in the way boys are vs girls. But then again I wonder did I fall into that...does Jay get a slap on the wrist and Ariana get a slap in the mind.
I know my marriage is NOT perfect, and sometimes I want to just throw in the towel when Pulu acts certain ways. I look at other marriages and think "WOW they're marriage is really something special" and then I talk to them and find out things I never thought was going on. I feel like we as married couples do that comparison too much. I think we all have problems and we all go thru trials...but my problem stems down to the way we were raised. I am not bashing Pulu's mom at all. But the way Pulu was raised is he was SPOILED and FAVORED. And I was raised as a free spirit, didn't have lots of attention. So colliding that together was to me CRAZY! Pulu and I have always felt the love at the end of the day, or fight, and yes even when we are on the verge of divorcing one another, our love brings us back together. But I can't help but think the whole reason behind it is how we raise our boys into men. I wonder if Pulu wasn't favored for being the eldest, or spoiled because he was good in sports, or had tons and tons maybe too much attention would we have the problems we have. For instance: not listening fully (cause he is use to talking) not cleaning up after himself (because men are naturally pigs right?) or forgetting things (because men aren't suppose to remember everything, that's our role) or being too tired to do anything (because men work sooo much harder than women) Call me crazy or too into my head, but does anyone else feel me on this?
7 comments:
I do feel that men are always just given a slap on the wrist in most marriage/parenting situations. If a woman forgets her child in the car, she's such a bad mom or she's so caught up in herself. But if a man forgets, its oh how sad, he was doing too much. He works and takes care of the kids, blah blah blah, WHATEVER!! Woman are the hardest working human beings. We do everything, because, YES the world has pushed it in that direction, and also because we can. It's no mistake as to why woman have children and men don't. God made woman twice as strong as men. It's a simple and very true fact. All He asks of men is to provide, protect and support their families/wife. And men can't even do that! Men feel that after working outside of the home, their day is done...uh no, supporting your wife and family means getting your butt up and physically doing something, right?? Don't get me wrong there are those handful of men who do do exactly what the Lord asks and the woman who was lucky enough to train them right is my hero, but for the other 99% of men...help us Lord!! LOL
Anna you're not alone. You just feel you are when you're feeling unappreciated. Just think of all the stuff he does do and most likely it does outweigh the bad. But til then, vent on....love ya!!
OMG Anna! I have felt this way too! The differences between my husband and I get on my nerves lol! And don't get me started on " being too tired to do anything (because men work sooo much harder than women)" you took the words out of my mouth!
I do think that it stems from the way they are raised. I think that we as a society still have that "old fashioned" mentality that men work outside of the home and the home is a woman's job. So we neglect to teach our boys.
I'm not bashing my husbands mom either. He is the oldest and when we first got married, he did.... nothing!! After years of marriage, he does the dishes, cleans(after much persuasion, of the yelling, silent treatment and/or cold shoulder kind lol) cooks and does laundry. Now, this doesn't happen often but, it happens more than it did in the beginning. I'm still working on the listening and remembering part but I think he's a lost cause lol!
I have been making an effort to raise my boys differently. They share the same household duties as the girls. They wash dishes(better than the girls), do laundry etc in an effort to prove that boys can be taught to do these things. Unfortunately my little theory will only be proven after my boys have married, then I can ask their wives if there are any complaints :)
I am like you, I expect a lot. We are just not passive women, and I high five you for that. We play an active role in our families which makes us that much more passionate about wanting, more. But I agree with your sister, at the end of the day, the good out weigh the bad. **hugs**
Oh Anna....you're not alone...you're just one of the only ones who are confident enough to talk about it. No marriage is perfect, because there are no perfect people. Everyone has their own separate trials and struggles and the success of a marriage comes from finding a way to work with each other to make each other happy.
I'm sure the way they were brought up has a lot to do with it.....BUT......there's nothing we can do about it now, what's done is done and we need to try and learn from those 'mistakes' and make sure we don't do that to our kids.
I know that one thing that has helped me a lot in my own marriage is communication. We didn't have it for the longest time and I felt unappreciated, sometimes unloved, and so angry.....but like I said before, with prayer and persistance....I made him hear me. Now things are better. I'm not saying we don't have problems....we totally do, but now I don't feel the anger and resentment that I used to. I feel so much better!
Try that with Pulu.....just communicate your feelings with him...even if he seems like he's not listening, he is...and hopefully sooner or later he'll make the changes necessary to really show you he loves and appreciates you.
Hang in there girl....and if you need another breakfast @ Kneaders....I'm just a phone call away!! :) Love ya girl!!
Just wanted to let you know that you are brave for admitting your marriage is not perfect! Oh and I totally agree with the three women above me! I have nothing more to say after reading there comments! You have a reason to feel the way you do as you do alot for your family:) Love ya hope all gets better for you!
I promise this wasn't intentionally geared towards Pulu in anger in any way. I just wondered if maybe that's why men are supposedly from mars and women from venus. I was merely using Pulu as a prime example. LMBO But foreal we do have these issues, and even if people say they don't...they're in denial. Cause every couple has issues no matter how Great your hubby is, he may think these things of you! lol..anywho I agree with all 3 of u ladies and am taking a mental note of what each of u said. I love learning and getting anothers perspective on things, so thank u for taking the time to read and respond. :) Much love to u all
Oh I feel ya on this alright! Thank you for your honesty, it helps me to not feel sorry for myself and know that what I go through is normal. Although I knew I wasn't the only wife going through it, its nice to read and relate.
I tell Etu all the time, you love when I'm a witch huh cause thats when you're the nicest and things get done but when I'm super nice, its taken advantaged of and back to the "witch" mode I go lol, no really though. He tells me he doesn't like it when I'm either, just when I'm neutral but I have a hard time being mellow when I have a million things on my to do list and most of them include his contribution to getting it done.
In the end, I look to the quote you recently posted from Pres Eyring. WHEN I am able to remember the Lord first at the beginning of my day, it sets the tone for the rest of that day and it makes it easier for me to face the trials without being and extreme witch or too nice... I more the first one than I am the second.
I love reading your blog! I switched my blog to niufam5.blogspot.com
Do you know what you're having yet? I've been checking for updates.
Girl, I feel you on men. UGH! Though Enoch was NOT spoiled one bit & completely abused, in fact his Mother never even has shown love to him. Really sad to be honest. :( I feel it has affected him in some ways. He's a little "TOO laid back" at times. lol. Has a hard time showing love & affection, and is ALWAYS "fishing for compliments" it gets annoying. lol. haha. Luckily he has an extremely strong Testimony and puts our family & the Gospel first. [[Dont' tell him I wrote this to you, he'll say "Why you puttin my business on blast like that!"]] haha lol. Anyways.. You're hilarious. I miss ya! Hope you're doing well.
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